You know you're a parent when...

You know you're a parent when...

1. Having chewed up gold fish spat into you mouth doesn't disgust you quite as much as it should.
2. The scariest thing you can hear as a parent is a crash, followed by a little voice saying "uh oh..."
3. You have the best intentions to clean or do something productive during nap time. But Netflix or napping yourself usually wins.
4. You have no need for wallpaper because you have a 2 ft artist who designs your walls for free!
5. You've come to the acceptance that if you want to enjoy that bowl of ice cream by yourself, you're going to have to do it in the bathroom. With the lights off. Not making a sound.
6. The laws of the universe no longer apply to your child. They can sleep through a marching band practicing right outside your window. But if somebody sneezes two houses down, they're up.
7. Baths only keep them clean for 30 minutes.
8. You go to enjoy a nice warm bubble bath, and instinctively throw in bath toys.
9. You could find a three course meal in the cracks of the couch because you child is apparently preparing to hibernate.
10. You freak out because your child wakes up with blood matted in their hair. Oh wait, that's just fig newton filling.
11. What you think really doesn't matter. If you say no, grandma and grandpa are just going to give it to them anyways.
12. A task like unloading the dishwasher, which takes a normal person 15 minutes, takes you three hours because you have to stop every 2 minutes because you child has suddenly decided that they need to practice their rock climbing skills. On the kitchen table. And into the batch of cupcakes.
13. You now believe hourly baths are necessary.
14. Smelling another beings butt is not just for dogs.
15. You realize why the other people in the restaurant are looking at you like you're crazy. It's because you're talking about poop. In public. Again. (Although in the interest of full disclosure, the "poop" discussion at nightly dinners started waaaaaay before Peyton in my family...)
16. Having a "clean house" is really just a fond memory.
17. The phrase "our house doesn't normally look like this!" Is a complete and utter lie. It always looks like this. We have children. They don't particularly like things being "clean".
18. All your fantasies are now about sleeping.
19. You are now a pro at doing everything one-handed.
20. You no longer sing Top 40 Hits. Instead, "I was a girl in the village doin' alright, then I became a princess overnight..." plays in your head.
21. You can name all the pups from Paw Patrol before you can name celebrities in a movie. (Ryder, Marshall, Rubble, Skye, Rocky and Zuma just in case you were wondering ;))
22. Phrases like "don't hit the dogs with drumsticks!" and "get that lightsaber out of the toilet!" (thanks Hannah for this one!) are suddenly completely rational statements.
23. You do more daily multi-tasking than all the CEO's of every major company combined.
24. You're still watching Nick Jr or Disney Channel even though the baby's been asleep for 30 minutes.
25. The words "personal space" no longer have any meaning to you.
26. You've seriously forgotten what it's like to eat a meal while it was still hot.
27. You've convinced yourself that pizza has all the food groups so it has to be at least somewhat healthy for your kid to eat.
28. Chicken nuggets and hot dogs now are their own food groups.
29. When somebody offers to baby sit your children you seriously consider using the baby-less time to nap rather than go on an actual date. Because if you just take a nap you don't have to shave your legs. Or wear pants.
30. But most importantly, you know when you're a parent when the sound of your child hurt breaks your heart into a thousand pieces.
31. When what you want in life suddenly because less important than what you want for your child.
32. When your needs take second place.
33. When the most beautiful noise you've ever heard is your child's laugh.
34. When you're okay with trading dolled up nights on the town for nights cuddled up in your pj's with a bowl of popcorn, watching the same Disney movie for the third time this week.
35. When you're at the end of your rope, and you don't know how you can possibly spend another day because your energy is spent. So you're down on your knees praying for a miracle, only to look over at your beautiful sleeping child and realize you already have one.